The Night Affairs


It's night and every normal formula 1 driver sleeps. Someone knocks on the door...
Hakkinen: Who is it??
Hill: It's me, Damon! I have just finished the race!
Hakkinen: What a hell are you doing here? Get out and don't try to make any silly
things!!
Schumacher (a voice from inside the house): Who is it Mickey, oh sorry, Mika??
Hakkinen: Shut up dumhead and don't try to get close to me! Besides, you never will!!
Jean Todt: We demure!!
Ron Dennis: Oh com'on Jean, you'll never do anything with it!!
Alesi (with French accent): Someb'edy called me?
Coulthard: Oh Jean, you are back from the race!
Alesi: Funny... :-(
Hill: Will anybody please let me in?!
Eddie Jordan: Come in Damon, don't listen to them!
Hakkinen: As long as I am the boss... (sudden interruption...)
Newey: Wait, wait, wait!! YOU are the boss?!
Hakkinen: Ok, so as far as I am one of the leading personalities I say don't ever try
to get in or else!!
E Jordan: We demure!!
J Todt: What did you say?
E Jordan: I said "we demure". Is something wrong with it?
J Todt: Don't say it again! We've got a copyright for any formula 1 exception!! Our latest
offer was to ban any access to a race track for everything called as "Mac". Guys what do
you think??
R Dennis: When will you finally stop doing it?!
J Todt: Till we will finally win that damned title!!!
Newey: But you will never do it with me...
J Todt: Oh yes, we were also thinking of banning anything "New" in MacLaren...
Coulthard: You're beginning to anger me!!
Irvine: One more word and you'll see next race!...
Coulthard: Oh honey Eddie, when have you last saw a Grand Prix? You'll never get us
because we're faster! :-))
Irvine: Who says I will get you when being in the front!! :-))
Coulthard: Bloody skies!! Ron do something!
R Dennis: Adrian do something!
Newey: Bernie do something!
Mr.E: God do something!
God: Eddie would you let Macs go when I'll give you women, sea and helicopters??
Irvine: Jesus Christ!
God: That's enough!! You won't get my only son!! I am leaving!!
Hill: Sorry guys, but I am freezing and I would really like to sleep after such a long race!
Hakkinen: You stay out and that is my final word!!
Mr.E (he says something to Mika's ears...)
Hakkinen: Dear Damon, would you be so nice and get inside the house??
Hill: What a hell happened?
Hakkinen: That's secret!
Ralf S (talking to his boss): Oh Eddie daddy an ugly fag is here!!
E Jordan: Don't worry sonny, that's only uncle Stewart!
J Stewart: Sorry son, but I am not sponsored by any fags-making company!
Ralf S: Uncle who??
E Jordan: Oh sonny, you should start keeping your car on the track for a few laps more to
see the other cars too.
Ralf S (misconceively): Eddie daddy, is it winter already?? I see the Santa Claus!!
Villeneuve: Shut up you idiot! I am just coming from the race!
Max M: Err, sorry Damon, you have been disqualified for underweight.
E Jordan: So that was Ralf's car after all!
Ralf S: ...and that's why I flew into the gravel... :-((
M Schumacher: Don't you think guys we should stop talking and go to bad??
J Todt: We demure!
M Schumacher: Jean, you can't argue with me! I am bigger than you are!
J Todt: Ooops, sorry Michael, but in spite of that I am more powerful!
Schumacher's racing car: O I wouldn't say that...
Hakkinen's car: O I wouldn't say that you red communist!
Schumacher's car: Who is a red communist you sun of the beach!!
Mr.E: Stop!!!

Silence. It's night and there are only stars and the moon in the sky shining more than
JV's helmet. There are a few dogs and Damon Hill in the street, who finally decided
that it will be safer for him to stay out there. Almost everyone went to bed. Mika is
sleeping in finnish sauna, Ron is praying under Senna's saint picture, Jean Todt is
thinking of another MacLaren ban offer, JV and Frentzen are due to sponsorship duties
sleeping with a Donald duck (thanks god it's not MacDonald, otherwise Ferrari...),
Eddie is still simulating crashes on GP2 PC game, DC is trying to face up to
his non winning championship year, Jeckie Stewart is looking forward to Monaco
and big-small Bernie is dreaming about a new plain white shirt.

The great formula 1 family is like from Dallas where Adrian Newey is J.R., Ferrari
is Cliff Burns and Adrian Newey is Sue Ellen. But it looks that the popularity
of F1 racing will fall down like popularity of Dallas.

I don't think I will make anything like that again, because it's silly. I will think of something
else.

Martin Trenkler :-))
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